Growing up in a Punjabi household is something that I have always been grateful for. The food, the music, and the weddings were all things I looked forward to. Growing up in a predominantly white area, my culture made me unique. While others had silly bandz, I had my priceless silver jhanjra. Instead of joining gymnastics as a kid, I dressed up every week and participated in and enjoyed doing bhangra . Rather than wearing Justice or Abercrombie and Fitch, I wore my beautiful suits and lenghas. All of these small traits largely contributed to what made me who I am. I wasn’t like my other classmates, but that didn’t stop me from loving myself.
As I grew up my eyes started to open. While we had our colorful suits, we also had wives with colorful bruises. We had our loud parties but we also had our hushed backdoor conversations. We had our delicious food but we also had hidden bottles of liquor. My beautiful Punjabi culture had a hidden dark monster.
Alcohol Abuse
Alcohol is something I’ve grown up around. Almost all the men in my life drink. All the parties we attend have open bars. Whenever we have dinners at my house alcohol is always a topic of conversation. Alcohol in the Punjabi community has been so normalized, it’s even brought to Gurdwara parking lots. Almost all popular Punjabi songs and movies include alcohol. My uncle drinks a glass of alcohol a day. His excuse: it’s wine, it’s healthy. His reason: stress. Stress from what? His family, kids, job, life. Alcohol is his therapist.
Jith Peethai Math Dhoor Hoe Baral Pavai Vich Aae II
Drinking the wine, his intelligence departs, and madness enters his mind
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Guru Amar Das Ji Ank 554
Guru Sahib tells us alcohol is a depressant. Alcohol is a “downer”, it turns off the body's judgement. It only brings misery. Guru Sahib is clear whenever he talks about alcohol: NONE. It impairs and leads to unwise decisions. It can lead to us harming ourselves and those around us, saying something without thinking, creating unnecessary problems and more. There is no good consequence of alcohol. To many it may seem like a stress reliever, but that stress can only be relieved when one is intoxicated; it’ll be back when you are sober. People often use alcohol to escape their daily lives but when they are drunk, the line between reality and illusion can be blurred. The mind doesn’t know how to control itself under the influence of alcohol. The guru gives us an alternative to alcohol and drugs-- Naam. Meditating and reciting Naam can give you a better high than any drug. When Guru Nanak Dev Ji was offered marijuana by Babar, he said he had something better that could make him higher and permanently solve all his problems and stresses. It was Naam.
Caste System
Growing up, I never knew what the caste system was. The only thing I knew was that our gurus didn’t accept it. I knew the words “gabru” and “jatt” but I always thought those words were applicable to anyone. The realization dawned on me when I got social media in middle school. Comment sections filled with superiority complexes and accusatory remarks. I couldn’t comprehend why people were still stuck behind labels. The caste system is an excuse for people to discriminate against one another and heighten their ego. We all came from the same Waheguru, we are all supposed to be brothers and sisters.
ਜਾਣਹੁ ਜੋਤਿ ਨ ਪੂਛਹੁ ਜਾਤੀ ਆਗੈ ਜਾਤਿ ਨ ਹੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Jaanahu Joth N Pooshhahu Jathee Aagai Jath N Hae ||1|| Rehaao
Recognize the Lord's Light within all, and do not consider social class or status; there are no classes or castes in the world hereafter. ||1|| Pause||
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Guru Nanak, Ank 349
Guru Sahib tells us that there is no reason to discriminate against each other. Waheguru is inside all of us, social class is just a concept that tears us apart from one another. Social class and caste exists only in this world and in this life, it does not follow our souls forever.Just because one person might be a higher caste doesn’t mean they are a better person or closer to Waheguru than a person of a lower class. it doesn’t define us and it shouldn’t allow for it to determine our future.
Colorism
When I was five I went on a trip to India with my cousins. We got there and said “Sat Sri Akal” to our Bibi’s sister. She gave my cousin and I a hug and looked at us both. She said “Aw, you both are so beautiful. It's a shame though that [my cousin] is darker.” I didn’t understand that comment that day but my cousin did. It was the thing she was always yelled at about. As a child she always heard, “Don’t go outside, you’ll get dark”. Even now, it’s still the thing she cries about when she goes to bed.
ਰਾਜ ਕਪਟੰ ਰੂਪ ਕਪਟੰ ਧਨ ਕਪਟੰ ਕੁਲ ਗਰਬਤਹ ॥
Raaj Kapattan Roop Kapattan Dhhan Kapattan Kul Garabatheh ||
Pride of power, beauty, wealth, and ancestry— are all fraudulent
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Guru Arjan Sahib Ank 708
Guru Sahib tells us power, beauty, wealth and ancestry are all a fraud. These standards of beauty are false. They don’t determine who we are as humans. These qualifications are created by humans. None of these things are going to go with us when we die. We are judged only by our qualities and values in the court of Waheguru. The idea of fair and lovely skin is a myth. Darker skinned women are urged to use skin lightening products or bleach. In many Desi countries lighter skin is a blessing. Instead of teaching young girls and boys about appreciation and confidence for our skin, many are told that they’ll never get married. All skin is lovely because it is a gift from Waheguru, it doesn’t matter what color it is. It’s just the color you happened to be created with.
Domestic Abuse
My older cousin got married a couple of years ago. One winter she came and visited us unexpectedly. She had a bruise on her arm and was crying constantly. She stayed with her parents for a couple of months but always heard small comments about her family's “izhaat” (honor) and standing in community. A few days later she went back to her in-laws and kept quiet. The looming idea of harming a families “izhaat” is worse to some people than capturing their daughter’s abuser. Some kids are told it’s normal or to ignore it when they or someone in their family is getting abused. Jokes about abuse are in our movies and songs. They promote this culture. Some of us have been so used to this abuse that it’s become the norm to us. Some are even proud to show this off as apart of Punjabi Culture
Hans Haeth Lobh Kop Chaarae Nadheeaa Ag II
Cruetly, material attachment, greed and anger are the four rivers of fire
Pavehi Dhajhehi Naanakaa Thareeai Karamee Lag II2II
Falling into them [vices], one is burned, O Nanak! One is saved only by holding tight to good deeds
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Guru Nanak Dev Ji Ank 147
We are pulled further away from the guru. This cruelty, material attachment, greed and anger all pull us away from the Guru.Guru Sahib tells us cruelty is a fire. It burns us. Krodh overpowers our minds and we can’t tell we are being burned. It scars us, it hurts us. When we fall into these traps, we don't realize the distance we are creating between us and the Guru. The abuser in this case is distancing themselves from the guru and its teachings. They no longer are able to understand the values given by the Guru. Only good deeds bring people closer to the Guru, bad deeds put us in a continuous cycle of reincarnation. The abuser causes damage and harms themselves by turning down a dark road. That road isn’t the only path. People can turn themselves around. When they realize that life isn’t their only reality they can make the change.
Racism
With the height of the BlackLivesMatter movement the conversation of racism has been prominent in my household. My parents own a business in the “hood”. The n word is regular in my brother and cousins vocabulary. To them if black people are derogatory towards brown people it gives brown people the right to say the n word. To them black people are thieves and rioters are criminals.
੧ਓ
Ek Onkar
One creator
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Guru Nanak Dev Ji Ank 1
Ek Onkar is familiar to all of us. It is the first word in the Guru Granth Sahib, the most important. The whole world was created by one creator. All of mankind was created by one creator, that means we are all equal. Our physical appearances may be different but we are all the same. We are all brothers and sisters.
It can be easy to look at Punjabi culture and at all of its shortcomings. These things are part of our daily life and have been for years. Many times we’ve become numb to abuse and drugs and it is easier to joke about these topics than to change. Many times it requires talking to our elders and to them it may come off as rude but small steps create change. These small steps can turn into a cycle so that we can continue the future generations. The answers to many of our problems are in front of us, anyone can access the Sri Guru Granth Sahib whether it be physically or virtually. We have our sangats to reach out to when we need help. It may take small steps to be the change we’ve been looking for, we just need to start somewhere. Something as simple as calling someone out or talking through situations can help create a difference in this beautiful, imperfect culture.
Anonymous
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