ਕੇਸ਼
Many young Sikhs, including myself, have struggled with being proud of their ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh; Hair). Growing up in a predominantly white society, having long luscious hair is cherished only if it is grown on the “right” parts of the body. I was used to receiving compliments from strangers regarding my extremely long braid, but at the same time, girls would come up to me, giggling, telling me “you have hairy legs.” Standing there in silence, I did not know what to do or how to feel about the ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh) my ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) gave me. I was being mocked for having something natural. For being myself.
Eventually, after conversing with her Punjabi friends who had daughters who struggled with this same issue, my mom asked me if I wanted to start shaving when I started seventh grade. I was mortified and confused. At the same time, the idea appealed to me. Thinking that this would allow me to fit in, I concurred and my path downhill began. My ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh) felt like a burden when it should’ve been something I was proud of. I wouldn’t even talk about shaving in front of my family and kept it a dark secret. I needed to build a foundation that would solidify the presence of the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) in my mind and help me ignore the thoughts that I didn’t want.
ਖਾਲਸਾ
After a few years of feeling guilt for shaving while having negative thoughts about my ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh), I knew that something needed to change. I thought shaving would make me feel beautiful and give me a sense of belonging, but something was wrong. During my visits to the gurdwara, I felt ashamed sitting in front of the ਸ਼੍ਰੀ ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਜੀ (Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji; Eleventh and current Guru). I started to feel like I didn’t belong in ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat; a congregation of trusted people who motivate one to stay on the path of Sikhi), which was devastating. I had to find the root of these unwanted notions. As I reflected, I learned that my actions were hurting me because I was pulling myself away from Sikhi. I needed to find something to help set me free of societal norms and give me confidence in my identity.
I can only describe this feeling of urgency arose because of Guru’s ਹੁਕਮਿ (Hukam; Divine Order). It was sudden, unexpected, and opportune. A few months after my sophomore year of high school began, I knew that I wanted to be blessed with ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ (Amrit; Initiation into the Khalsa). This could’ve been a sudden change but I had always aspired to be an ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤਧਾਰੀ (Amritdhari; An individual who has been blessed with Amrit). I had always tried to stay dedicated to Sikhi and had grown up in a Sikh household that emphasized ਸਿਮਰਨ (Simran; meditation on Naam), ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat), and ਸੇਵਾ (Seva; selfless service). This pull towards the initiation was what I needed and I knew that it was time.
I wanted to be closer to the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) and be a part of the ਖਾਲਸਾ (Khalsa; Those who have been blessed with Amrit). To prepare, I stopped shaving and learned all of Nitnem. I also tried to do Simran daily. After a few months, I took ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ (Amrit) during a Samagam in 2017. A close friend who had also recently taken ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ came to me afterward and illuminated about a way to view the duties one has after the initiation. Smiling, she hugged me and congratulated me. She explained how “when one takes ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ, ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ (Waheguru Ji) plants a flower right here.” She put her hand on my head and encouraged me to “keep that flower alive. Thriving with Simran and Nitnem.”
Soon after, an amazing kirtanee moved into our tow, a Dastar-wearing ਕੌਰ (Kaur). Because I knew that I needed to protect my hair and cover my head at all times after having taken ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ (Amrit), I started to explore wearing a ਕੇਸਕੀ (Keski; small turban). Taking inspiration from her, and after visiting a Gurmat camp, I tied my first ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) that summer.
Karate
By the Guru’s ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ (Kirpa; Grace), my parents were given the ਸੇਵਾ (Seva) to organize the local weekly diwan. For two years, attending Friday’s ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) became the highlight of my week as I would be surrounded by like-minded Sikhs who also wore the ਕੇਸਕੀ (Keski). The only ਕੌਰ (Kaur) that I had ever met that wore a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) would also attend ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) and teach me how she tied her ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar). I would prepare a ਸ਼ਬਦ (Shabad; hymn) each time which pushed me to practice ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan) and learn more about ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ (Gurbani; sacred word of Guru). It required focus, encouraged me to remember ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ which helped me practice renouncing ਹਉਮੈ (Haumai; the idea of “I”). These goals are still very much a work in progress. During that time, I came across this line of ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ (Gurbani) which I always recite before doing ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan).
ਏਕੁ ਤੂੰ ਤਾ ਸਭੁ ਕਿਛੁ ਹੈ ਮੈ ਤੁਧੁ ਬਿਨੁ ਦੂਜਾ ਨਾਹੀ ॥੧॥
ek too(n) taa sabh kichh hai mai tudh bin dhoojaa naahee ||1||
You are the One and only, and so do all things exist; without You, there is nothing at all for me. ||1||
Guru Arjan Dev Ji
Ank 382
Doing ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan) has always been the balancing stone in my life because it grounds me and helps me learn so much about Sikhi. This ਸ਼ਬਦ (Shabad) resonated with me because it showed me why I shouldn’t focus on materialistic things. Whenever I would do ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan), egoistic thoughts would enter my mind. This ਸ਼ਬਦ (Shabad), which is about how ਮਾਇਆ (Maya; attachment to materialism) is poisonous, helps me remember that Guru Ji singing the Gurbani, not me. There is only one Truth. The Divine. ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ.
One evening after Friday’s ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) during a conversation with my parents, my dad quoted Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid film series describing how having secure roots like a bonsai tree can battle any struggle. He explained how Simran and Nitnem are the sustenance for those roots.
Attending local ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) helped me maintain a Sikh identity tremendously because it showed me the environment I wanted to be in. ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) helped me see what I truly value, which was remembering ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ. Being surrounded by the ਖਾਲਸ ਪੰਥ (Khalsa Panth; The congregation of those who have been blessed with Amrit) helped me reshape and redirect my focus which was the perfect atmosphere for me to strengthen my roots.
In 2019, I was blessed to have the opportunity to go to a ਸਮਾਗਮ (Samagam; A gathering of Sangat where they do Kirtan together) only a few hours from where I lived. There, I met a family of young Sikhs who were the same age as me. All of the family members wore the ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) which was very new to me. We became close friends in the span of that weekend over our love for ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan). They explained why they chose to suit the ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar), which was that after taking ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ (Amrit), a Sikh should keep their ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh) protected and their head covered to show respect and honor ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ at all times. They showed me how I could become closer to the Guru and respect the Sikh faith by donning a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar).
ਕੇਸਕੀ
Many debates and conversations are surrounding the necessity of the ਕੇਸਕੀ (Keski; small turban) for a ਕੌਰ (Kaur). I had done much reading and researching with ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ (Gurbani) before coming to a decision. I wanted to maintain my femininity which is what some argued would diminish upon wearing a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar).
I believe that wearing a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) not only maintains one’s femininity, but it invokes a sense of feminism. Tying a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) doesn’t make one less of a woman! Because feminism is the encouragement of equal rights for all, wearing a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) as a ਕੌਰ (Kaur) encourages equality for women and represents the feminist beliefs rooted in Sikhi.
By the beginning of 2020, I had decided that I would be wearing a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) for the rest of my life. I wore a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) to school and when my family and I went out in public. This brought tears to my mom’s eyes because she was so relieved that I found happiness with my identity. I also kept my head covered at home at all times. I am so thankful to have had such a positive home and school environment for this decision to be so well received.
As the quarantine started after COVID-19 began spreading, my exposure to Sikhi and ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) began disappearing. That year, because I wasn’t attending ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) or keeping in touch with my Sikh peers, I was having an extremely hard time maintaining my oath to the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru). Slowly, I began doubting myself and my faith. At one point, I thought it would be best for me to stop wearing a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar). Although my mind and heart were filled with doubt, I still kept my head covered. I couldn’t bring myself to go out without a ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) or to take off my ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾਨੰ (Kirpan; one of the five Sikh articles of Faith). I tried to do my Nitnem daily but it stopped being a priority. I rarely practiced any ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan) and didn’t listen to or read much ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ (Gurbani). I felt hopeless, worthless, and ashamed.
As 2021 began, news of upcoming samagams started going around. Meanwhile, my parents started to prepare for our local diwan to start again. This provoked me to ask myself, “how could you not have faith when everything you have is by the Guru’s ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ (Kirpa)?” It was ਮਾਇਆ (Maya) that got in my way. It was the ego that I could do it all on my own. It was the strength in my roots that helped me grow anew. It was the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) that saved me once again.
I woke up one morning and made it my goal to do the full Nitnem every day that week. My dad advised me to do Simran throughout the day for tasks that didn’t require a focused mind, such as driving, cooking, cleaning, walking, or eating. That week never ended because I still keep the same intention. By overcoming all my doubts, I’ve been successful with these wishes. ਧੰਨ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ (Dhan Guru Nanak).
During a summer weekend in 2021, I was blessed to attend the first Samagam after the start of the pandemic. The entirety of the four days was utter bliss. I was speechless walking into the darbar hall because feeling the love and ਅਨੰਦ (Anand; Spiritual bliss) in the atmosphere pulled me to the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru). Going over a year, being deprived of ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) and losing focus on the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru), I realized the importance of ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat). This reminded me of why I took ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ (Amrit). Why my love for the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) was unconditional. Why I love ਕੀਰਤਨ (Kirtan). Why I want to wear a ਕੇਸਕੀ (Keski). My resilient roots have helped me surpass the terrible times in my life. I am blessed with ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) as the medicine that I need to heal my thoughts time and time again.
I am nothing without ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ. I am everything because of ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ.
ਮਹਿਮਾ ਸਾਧੂ ਸੰਗ ਕੀ ਸੁਨਹੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਮੀਤਾ ॥
mahimaa saadhoo sa(n)g kee sunahu mere meetaa ||
This is the Glory of the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy; listen, O my friends.
ਮੈਲੁ ਖੋਈ ਕੋਟਿ ਅਘ ਹਰੇ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਭਏ ਚੀਤਾ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
mail khoiee koT agh hare niramal bhe cheetaa ||1|| rahaau ||
Filth is washed away, millions of sins are dispelled, and the consciousness becomes immaculate and pure. ||1||Pause||
Guru Arjan Dev Ji
Ank 810
Reading this ਸ਼ਬਦ (Shabad) helps put my feelings about ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) into words. This ਸ਼ਬਦ (Shabad) provides analogies about how the Eminence of ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) has blessed and uplifted others. ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) saved me by showing me how to focus my energy into Sikhi.
ਕੌਰ
Channeling the energy of the most courageous Sikh women can be extremely empowering. A few of the strongest women in Sikh history are:
Because Sikhi promotes loving one’s purest self, it encourages maintaining a positive self-image. Appreciating all that the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) gives is an important part of being a Sikh. Keeping this in mind, I was able to establish respect for my ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh). Remembering the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) and all of the Kaurs and Singhs who maintain their Sikh identity inspired me to do the same. Sikhi was one of the first religions that uplifted women and encouraged women to be proud of their identity. It diminished all stereotypes and confines that women were put into and allowed them to be themselves. I am extremely blessed to have been born into a religion that believes this way and to have been raised in positive ਸੰਗਤ (Sangat) from the moment I was born. Not everyone has to look alike, wear the same things, or keep their hair in the same way. It was completely acceptable for me to have more hair than my school peers. As I am still learning, I have found that refocusing my thoughts and believing in the strength of my roots helps me battle all conflicts. Taking ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ (Amrit) helped me overcome the battle for learning about myself and my relationship with the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru). Through each struggle, I inevitably become closer to the ਗੁਰੂ (Guru) and learn more about why being a Sikh is so important. The blessing of my ਕੇਸ਼ (Kesh) and my ਦਸਤਾਰ (Dastar) are a reminder of who I am.
A fearless ਕੌਰ (Kaur).
Daughter of ਗੁਰੂ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿੰਘ ਜੀ (Guru Gobind Singh Ji; Tenth Guru who created the Khalsa).
Shukar Hai. Shukar Hair. Shukar Hai.
Bhul Chuk Maaf Karna Ji.
Author Information
By the Guru’s Grace, the author of this article is blessed to have the ਸੇਵਾ (Seva) to teach Sangat how to do Kirtan. She posts video tutorials on her YouTube page called KaurTeachingKirtan. https://www.youtube.com/c/KaurTeachingKirtan